By CINDY KRISCHER GOODMAN
McClatchy Newspapers
Posted on Tue, Aug. 31, 2010 07:10 AM
With the start of the school year, Miami attorney Valerie Greenberg has been settling into her new routine - leaving work promptly at 5:30 p.m. and zooming across town to pick her daughter up from high school volleyball practice by 6 every weeknight. Her son will hang around after school and wait. For now, the physical benefits for her daughter outweigh the stress it puts on the family, Greenberg says.
"As a single working parent, this was the best compromise for all," she said. But they are still squeezed. "Any change can throw us all off."
As school kicks in and kids sign up for activities and lessons, the logistics for working parents can get complicated. Parents regularly drive themselves over the edge trying to make their work schedules mesh with their children's extracurricular activities. It's not hard to hit your breaking point when working 40-plus-hour weeks and trying to get your child to a 5 p.m. team practice three or four nights a week.
Even while grass-roots groups are calling for time out from scheduling kids from breakfast to bedtime, we as parents see the benefits of extracurricular activities. They include increased self-esteem and leadership skills, lower obesity and an appreciation for teamwork. We've seen how developing a talent has the potential to turn our child into the next Serena Williams.
Here are a few tips you can use when trying to juggle your work schedule with your children's extracurricular activities.
-Gauge your flexibility at work. Your employer may be willing to make an arrangement with you, even if it's temporary, to allow you to get your kids to practices if you come in earlier. But this usually involves a conversation in advance; otherwise you may get a reputation as a slacker.
A man I know negotiated a start time a half-hour later to take his daughter to ice skating lessons at dawn each morning.
-Consider proximity. The more activities kids can do at school, the easier it is on working parents. Get a schedule of team try-outs from your child's school. Also, many day-care centers have started to offer dance or martial arts classes during the day, so that parents don't have to take off work to shuttle the kids to classes.
-Enlist multiple children in the same activities. This is a no-brainer for time-pressed parents whose kids have the same interests. If not, maybe a little encouragement and compromise will do the trick.
-Let them choose. Mandee Heller Adler, a Hollywood, Fla., college admissions consultant, says children inevitably are more successful when they choose the activity rather than a parent. "If it's something they really want to do, they are more likely to figure out on their own how to get where they need to be."
-Find a carpool. This is when networking with other parents pays off. When asked, most working parents are thrilled to split driving duties.
When I interviewed families of the young children who signed their free time away to dance in the Miami City Ballet's performances of "The Nutcracker," I learned that the working parents had organized carpools to shuttle kids from school to rehearsals. Parents told me it was the only way they could commit to all the mandatory practices. Some after-school programs, such as some martial arts studios, provide shuttles.
-Do the activity with your child. For many years, Greenberg took martial arts lessons with her two children. All three earned their black belts. "I was able to get exercise, too. It made scheduling a lot easier," she says.
-Look into online activities. Your child might want to take cooking lessons by watching online videos at home.
-Ask about flexibility. Lynda Schomer Mecoli, a freelance graphic designer, signed her daughter up last year for a baton-cheerleading-dance class. Toward the end of the year, she struggled to get her daughter Kayla to class because of deadlines with work projects.
"When Kayla did make it to class, she felt left out being a bit behind in the dance routine and didn't want to go anymore," Mecoli says. This year, she enrolled Kayla in Karate Princess, a martial arts program that meets twice a week, has a variety of locations and allows students to make up missed classes.
-Know the expectations. While elite youth sports teams are popular, Austil Martin, commissioner and vice president of Tamiami Colts youth football, advises parents to check into requirements before signing up. "It's a big burden on parents," he admits. Some coaches will ask parents for input on decisions about travel and some will help with transportation, he says. In June, when conditioning began, Martin's league made all parents sign an agreement to get players to the field three days a week, and to games every Saturday through December.
-Lose the guilt. "Parents don't have to be at every practice or show," says parenting expert Laura Gauld. Sometimes, stepping back has its advantages, she says. "Someone else steps up and can turn out to be a good mentor for your child."
Gould says a child is over-scheduled when he or the parent loses the joy of the activity.
I know where over-scheduling leads. After spending months running from fields to courts with kids playing different sports, I've sat on the bleachers at a basketball playoff game, secretly hoping a teammate would miss the shot at the buzzer and bring my son's season to an end - at last. Inevitably, next to me is another parent who feels the same way.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Cindy Krischer Goodman is CEO of BalanceGal LLC, a provider of news and advice on how to balance work and life. She can be reached at balancegal@gmail.com. Read her columns and blog at http://worklifebalancingact.com/.
From Kansas City.com published on Tue, Aug. 31, 2010 07:10 AM