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A Little Pride Doesn’t Hurt: Building Your Child’s Self-Esteem


By BRIAN GRESKO | April 26th, 2013 at 10:11 am
From http://www.babble.com/dad/a-little-pride-doesnt-hurt-building-your-childs-self-esteem/

Pride comes before a fall, the saying goes, and we have countless stories, from Star Wars to Citizen Kane, that prove it. The p-word has become so derided these days that its antonym has come to replace it — “This is humbling” or “I’m humbled” people (especially politicians) sometimes say, when they mean just the opposite; they’re proud of themselves. And we now have the neologism “Humble Brag,” an oxymoron that means to brag about yourself without seeming to brag about yourself, to use a screen of phony humility to distract from your boast.

In an extreme, pride turns to hubris, arrogance, and narcissism. It blinds a person to pitfalls, and deafens them to opposing views. It makes one insufferable to be around. And yet a certain amount of pride in one’s accomplishments and achievements is healthy. Otherwise you don’t allow yourself to shine, you don’t bring all of your gifts forward to share with others, and you don’t stand up for yourself in a conflict or when being trampled upon. Outside of the social realm, it’s nice to take a moment and feel good about yourself, to have some esteem in one’s self. Liking yourself is a positive thing, I think we can all agree.

This can be hard for me. Just the other day I was talking with my wife about some good career news, and, during a pause in the conversation, I thought “I’m really proud of myself.” Instead of saying this, I began drumming along to the beat of the music.

And then she said it. “I’m proud of you!”

“I was just thinking that!” I said.

“Well, you don’t usually drum,” she said. This is true. I have horrible rhythm. During clap-a-longs, I’m the guy clapping in the silences between everyone else’s claps. “So I figured you were feeling pretty good,” she continued.

At what point do we start to monitor our feelings of self-worth? And why do we do it? This week I saw some beautiful, very honest expressions of pride in my son. Felix is leaving toddlerhood behind for little boy-dom, a metamorphosis rife with growing pains, and some moments of revelation too.

I’ve written before about his love of his tricycle, and with his forth birthday on the horizon, we’ve been talking about getting him “a big boy bike” with training-wheels. The other day I took him to investigate the selection of kid bicycles at the bike store, thinking to whet his appetite. They only had one bike available, though, and it was the perfect size for him. When he saw it, Felix’s eyes became donuts, and his face beamed. The owner of the store was obviously touched by his excitement, and smelled an opportunity. He offered me a great price for the bike and so we took it. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that smile on Felix’s face when he rode up to our stoop with his helmet on. He was so proud of himself.

Just as he was when he helped me shop for groceries, fetching all the goods within his reach, and digging around in the freezer to find the perfect bag of frozen raspberries. “Can I sit in the cart and have a snack now?” he asked after a while.

“Sure thing, kid. You deserve it.”

His face made clear that he agreed.

That smile returned later when, while listening to “C is for Cookie,” he found the C from among the magnet letters. “Can you help me spell cookie?” he asked my wife. Aside from the K, he found every letter himself, and he strutted upstairs to fetch me. “I spelled it on my own! Mostly,” he told me.

Obviously, as a parent, you don’t want to feed this sense of pride disproportionately. No one likes a kid with a big head, or a kid who thinks that the world needs to stop and take notice of his or her accomplishments. Sadly, the world doesn’t, and the world won’t. There are always haters out there. So part of our job is to manage those moments of hubris when we see them, and not build false expectations or feelings of self-worth in our kids.

What we do want is to nurture a healthy self-esteem. Stopping to notice those moments of accomplishment and achievement and showering a little love and attention on your child is a part of this.

A few times this week I crouched down to Felix’s level to say, “I’m proud of you, kid. You’re growing into a big boy, and I love you.”

“Thanks, Dad,” he replied. And we shared a man-hug, a warm hand draped over one another’s shoulders.

I felt good about myself in those moments too. Proud not only of the kid my son was becoming, but of the father I had grown to be in his presence.


By BRIAN GRESKO | April 26th, 2013 at 10:11 am
From http://www.babble.com/dad/a-little-pride-doesnt-hurt-building-your-childs-self-esteem/

The Case Against Grades: They lower self-esteem, discourage creativity, and reinforce the class divide.



By Michael Thomsen|Posted Wednesday, May 1, 2013, at 8:15 AM
From: http://www.slate.com/articles/


Should schools abandon the A to F grading system?
Photo by Ableimages/Digital Vision/Thinkstock

There is always something or someone to blame in our struggle for education reform. Sometimes it’s the “bad teachers” who get the blame. Other times it's standardized testing, insufficient funding, or slow-moving bureaucracy. I blame grades.

Grading students, from A to F, has become synonymous with education itself. Report-card day is an American rite of passage. Yet, there's reason to believe the structure of grading students is the biggest culprit in America's long, steady decline in education—SAT reading scores are at a 40-year low, and one recent study ranked the U.S. 17th in education, worse than Poland, Canada, Ireland, South Korea, and Denmark. It's becoming increasingly clear that the rigid and judgmental foundation of modern education is the origin point for many of our worst qualities, making it harder for many to learn because of its negative reinforcement, encouraging those who do well to gradually favor the reward of an A over the discovery of new ways of thinking, and reinforcing harsh class divides that are only getting worse as the economy idles.

A 2002 study at the University of Michigan found that 80 percent of students surveyed based their self-worth on academic performance—more than cited family support as a source of self-esteem. A 2006 study at King’s College showed adolescents with low self-esteem were more likely to have poor health, be involved in criminal behavior, and earn less than their peers.  Since it’s overwhelmingly poor students who are prone to bad grades, a self-reinforcing loop is created. Poverty leads to bad grades and low self-esteem, which leads to more poverty and social dysfunction.

In its earliest forms, education was a Socratic practice of self-knowledge; an isolated act of enshrining religious traditions; or, most commonly, an informal transfer of skill on the homestead, with parents teaching children how to plant, harvest, raise livestock, or practice some craft passed through generations. That all began to change in 1792 when William Farish, a tutor and soon-to-be chemistry professor at Cambridge, became an early advocate of evaluating student performance through quantifying test results. A century later, the logic transformed into a letter-based scale first seen at Mount Holyoke College in 1897. By the 1930s, the ABC approach had been adopted by a wide group of schools and universities around the country and, not coincidentally, would be reabsorbed by a number of industrial interests, including dairy, beef, poultry, and plywood. (That’s some A+ plywood!)

These changes coincided with the rapid expansion of compulsory education in America, a legal standard that had been adopted by all 50 states by 1917. Grades were the foundation of this expansion, providing data points for a system in which one person would get a corner office and another would be lost to a life flipping burgers or changing motor oil. If you want to succeed in life, stay in school, get good grades.

The catch is that fear of negative outcomes has been repeatedly shown to be a major impediment to learning. A survey of students at the University of Cape Town found that stress and fear of failing tests led to "classic symptoms of procrastination and avoidance," confusion and low self-esteem. “ ... [I]t's one of those things where if I have to fail a test, I'm Like, ‘Oh my goodness, I can't fail a test.’ It's like a really serious strain,” one subject reported. Another showed the classic habit of grade-weighted failure leading to disengagement: “But I just didn’t like the fact that I had failed, so I just moved on to something else.” These responses are echoed by a number of studies that show students’ willingness to take on challenging tasks diminishes when grades are involved, but without grades, students left on their own tend to seek out more challenging problems.

John Taylor Gatto, a one-time New York State Teacher of the Year turned fierce education critic, proposed an education system built around "independent study, community service, adventures in experience, large doses of privacy and solitude, [and] a thousand different apprenticeships." Schools built on these values have flourished in the margins of state-funded, graded education throughout the 20th century. 

The most famous example is the Montessori schools, noted for their lack of grades, multiage classes, and extended periods where students can chose their own projects from a selected range of materials. The schools have educated many of today's wealthiest entrepreneurs, including Google's Larry Page and Sergei Brin, Amazon’s Jeff Bezos, Wikipedia creator Jimmy Wales, business management legend Peter Drucker, and video game icon Will Wright.

A 2006 comparison in Milwaukee found that Montessori students performed better than grade-based students at reading and math; they also "wrote more creative essays with more complex sentence structures, selected more positive responses to social dilemmas, and reported feeling more of a sense of community at their school." Some contend that Montessori schools attract more affluent and successful parents, who give their children an inherent advantage, but the Milwaukee study was built around a random lottery for Montessori enrollment. All the children in the study came from families with similar economic backgrounds, with average incomes ranging between $20,000 and $50,000.

Free schools have taken the gradeless structure even further, treating the school as an open space where students are not only allowed to self-direct but are given equal responsibility in the organization and rule-making of the school itself. 

The Summerhill School in England is one of the most recognizable and longest-running, founded in 1921 by A.S. Neill. Summerhill is built around the idea of creating stable, happy, and compassionate humans capable of filling any role in society—a janitor being no less a success than a doctor. In place of dedicated courses, students are free to follow their own interests while teachers observe and nudge them toward new ways of thinking about what they're drawn to. Students with an interest in cooking, for instance, might learn the basics of chemistry by way of thickening a sauce. Those drawn to playing soccer might learn to improve their game with some fundamental principles of Newtonian physics.

Schools inspired by the Summerhill model have flourished in recent years, with free schools operating around the country from Portland, Ore., to Sudbury, Mass. The Brooklyn Free School has earned attention for its open structure and regular democratic meetings, where students debate how to handle problems like boredom and whether playing video games on the school computers should be considered a learning activity. The higher tuition costs do tend to attract wealthier families with well-supported children, but many go out of their way to provide assistance to low-income families, favoring diversity over bill-paying. The Manhattan Free School in Harlem makes do on an annual budget of $100,000 and collects full tuition from only 20 percent of its students. The Brooklyn Free School operates on a sliding scale of tuition, collecting full payment from only half of its students, with some paying as little as $20 every few weeks.

It’s a common misnomer to assume no student evaluation happens in environments like these, but in most cases free-school environments require more teacher attention than traditional classrooms. Instead of testing for comprehension of a select group of facts or ideas, teachers constantly monitor a child’s behavior, support an array of student experimentation, and subtly encourage efforts that best match the student’s abilities. In free schools failure is not a punishment for bad study habits but the sign of students testing their knowledge to see if it holds true in practice. In our soccer analogy, success wouldn’t be evaluated by students scoring goals but in gradually learning how and why the ball curves in some cases and goes straight in others, a process that would surely produce many more misses than scores.

And free schools perform reasonably well. A survey of former students at Sudbury Valley School in Massachusetts found 80 percent of its students went on to college or professional school, and 20 percent enrolled in graduate programs. In 1998, 75 percent of Summerhill students who took Britain's certificate-qualification exams passed.

Abandoning grades would be a massive shock, but holding onto them has not forestalled decay, from waves of school closures for poor standardized test results to the trillion-dollar debt guillotine awaiting college students who'll struggle to win unpaid internships for all their hard work. Eliminating grades would not singlehandedly bring salvation. 

There is a whole new world of challenges and complications in a classroom without pedagogy and rank. But it would be an ideal place to start anew, to stop motivating students, teachers, and underperformers with the fear of being flunked, fired, or shut down. Without that dysfunctional ranking we could instead form a child’s education around his or her eagerness to discover, contribute, and share. An A-to-F grade scale is only a distraction from that process and in many cases an outright deterrent. It’s time to admit that system has no place in our future.

By Michael Thomsen|Posted Wednesday, May 1, 2013, at 8:15 AM
From: http://www.slate.com/articles/

Guide to Building Self Esteem and Self Improvement


Article from News Olio

These simple tips are nothing but short sacred truths of life. They help to build your self esteem and self improvement. Learn them and find the courage act like your heart advises.

Negative Work Environment

Competition is good, cooperation is better. Dog eat dog is not the best approach to live the life for human beings. It seems that in this type of mediums the one who survives becomes a super personality. This is wrong! He or she just has better skills of eating other people.

Behavior of Other People

Just think about how many people are affecting you – all that brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, people walking wounded, controllers, complainers, exploders, patronizers – they are really changing you. At first this is not that noticeable, then you see that – wow, I am one of them!

Environment and Need to Change It

Changes help us to improve, welcome the changes – don’t be afraid of the changes. Just make sure that you are taking the best for your self improvement from these changes. Then you will be surprised to see that every change makes you stringer.

Past Experience

Any type of experience is good for you – if you survive. That is why even painful experience can be ok, if it improves you. Don’t let one time mistake transform into fear. Turn this mistake into lesson, learn the lesson and make it work for your success.

Negative World View

Let’s admit that this world is full of negative stuff. Sometimes you even think that all media and governments work to make it worse. Don’t let this negative stuff to have anything to do with you. You are incorruptive to this dirt. And even from the worst situations you can make the best out of them.

Determination Theory

We are not bound by our genes in terms of successes or failures. If your parents are a failure, it doesn’t mean you have to be a failure too. People are not born leaders or positive thinkers. This is gained with life. One can get some help during upbringing to be taught to think positively.

But even if you have not been taught, no problems – life is ready to share its treasures with those who are seeking for them. Just want it from the bottom of your heart and do what necessary, and it will come.
We all have equal chances to become better. Become better, be better, live better!


Article from News Olio