By awnmuhammad1
Ever the past decade or so, there has been a drastic change about regarding how people view self-esteem. Twenty years ago, the proof seemed clear that high self-esteem was momentous if people were to have happy, productive lives. Nowhere was this belief more significant than in the school system. Research conducted in past appeared to verify that school success was influenced more by children self-esteem than by their mental ability. These studies encouraged mentors to do everything they could to help children feel better in order to make them better students. And as a result, these programs have become the target of various caustic critics.
Research in psychology is always arduous. A typical study may focus on a some variables while, because of practical limitations, it ignores infinite many other variables that are exceptionally important. This means that practically any research study is open to other analysis, and it is up to resultant researchers to solve the untold possibilities that account for the results of any one study. People were too impatient to accept the results at face value. Before planning school projects that emphasize on building children self-esteem, they would have been well aware to wait for further research to give a clearer picture as to how things worked.
Had they waited a few years, the educational authorities who wanted “I am a super man” to be every child’s mantra would have conceived that larger self-esteem in a vacuum is not essentially the best thing. Children who are complimented for their capability indifferent of their work are likely to gain that not much is expected of them; they would have every reason to feel great even if they produce average results. We know that children are more likely to master difficult stuff if we elucidate on their efforts rather than on their ability. Indeed, psychologist Carol found that the performance of pupils who were given assignments that were too difficult to finish and were reported that they failed because they did not attempt hard enough improved more than pupils who were given simple tasks in order to encourage them to feel great about their ability. The result of the story is crystal clear—self-esteem should be earned, not gifted.
Indeed, extremely high amount of self-esteem may be a sign of anomalous behavior. We have all known people who think they are the most wonderful species alive, even though their defects and boundaries are clear to all who care to take even a random look. Sometimes called defensive high self-esteem, the people with this trait seem to be able of putting a positive swing on even the worst failures. So that people with moderately high self-esteem are the best considered. They feel good about themselves, but they are capable of accepting their flaws and doing something about them.
Now that I’ve unleashed my frustrations about the point that all kids should be praised unconditionally, let me say that I have seen a number of clients who suffered drastically from poor self-esteem. Perhaps one of the most intense examples was a undergraduate student I’ll call Sam. He suffered from intense depression even though his life was going quite well. Sam had had a brilliant academic career, was married to a girl who loved him, and was a caring father. Yet he was incapable of accepting anything good about himself. During one therapy session, I said to him I was going no far until he could say one positive thing about oneself. He spent ten agitated minutes brainstorming the possibilities before he said, “I used to play the guitar well.” When I asked him that he had to tell me anything good about himself in the present not about past, he was completely choked. I finally gave in and asked him to tell me what his life partner would say about his good traits. He was able to list numerous traits she would point to, but then suddenly dismissed them as unreliable. After all, Sam’s wife loved him and she could not be objective. Just as people with defensive high self-esteem cannot accept any negative information about one selves, people such as Sam cannot accept anything positive about themselves.
It took people several years before they felt comfortable with them self, but one can speed up the process by using concerted effort as a catalyst. Create a list of your strengths. When you find yourself obsessing about your boundaries, get out your list and read it with high tone. If you are convinced your negative self-evaluation is validated, do something about it. I have known pupils who have a low view of their academic abilities who use their feelings as an excuse for giving up. They bunk class, fail to get ready for tests, and then complain, “See, I just can’t make it.” Your self-doubts should prompt you to do your best. And if your best is still not worth having, you can be sure that there is anything else you can do where your best will be more than good enough. As long as you do not hands up, you can feel great about yourself. It’s up to you.
From Hub Pages