Article from About.com Guide
Set boundaries help us in keeping our faith strong and protecting ourselves from the temptations of the world. It sounds so nice to be able to say no, mean it, and live the life we think we should be living, but it's not always easy in practice. Yet, when we don't set boundaries people can easily take advantage of us, we can easily be led away from our faith, and we don't end up happy at all. Learning how to set boundaries can be one of the most important lessons of our lives.
Get to Know God
The first step in learning how to set boundaries is to understand what those boundaries should be. The best way to understand the boundaries you should set is to get to know God a little better. The stronger your relationship with God, the stronger you will be when setting limits with others. So, how do you do that? Try some of these things:
- Read your bible every day.
- Get involved in a Bible Study.
- Buy a devotional geared toward teens.
- Attend youth group regularly.
- Take notes in church.
- Pray every day or meditate with God.
All of these items help bring you closer to God, but they also help you understand what He expects for your life. Yet just getting to understand what God commands of us doesn't automatically mean we'll develop good boundaries. There's more to having the strength to set limits.
Get to Know Yourself
Knowing God means we have a foundation for learning how to set boundaries. It's a strong foundation, but now we need to add to it by getting to know ourselves. Why aren't you setting the boundaries you should? Most of the time we don't set proper boundaries, because we're caught up in our own insecurities. We want to be liked. We don't want to disappoint others. We don't like the feeling when people are mad at us. However, we have to realize that, when we don't set boundaries, we hurt ourselves most of all.
When you're thinking about why you don't set proper boundaries ask yourself a simple question? Am I worth it? Am I loving myself in the way God loves me? Developing good boundaries means loving and seeing yourself how God sees you. It means not doing things at the expense of yourself. Take some time to get to know the better sides of yourself. What are your best qualities? When you see yourself worthy of God's love, you realize that you're worth protecting from those that want to take advantage of you.
Overcome the Guilt
The fear of disappointing others is a major contributor to not setting proper boundaries. We often feel guilty when we say no to something. However, what good is setting aside your personal values to make someone else happy when all it does is make you and God miserable? Not having good boundaries continues to lower and lower and lower your own self esteem. We have to learn to let go of the guilt we feel at disappointing others. Next time someone asks you to do something you don't want to do think of how selfish he or she is being. Do they not care about how it makes you feel? Try saying no, and explain that it makes you feel bad for compromising your values or giving up on something important to you. If the person does not understand, threatens to walk away, or tries to harm you, then they probably aren't someone you want in your life anyhow.
Practice Makes Perfect
Knowing how to set boundaries comes over time. Just reading through these tips doesn't mean you're going to develop instant boundaries. It means that you are able to start to develop them now. It takes practice to set good boundaries. Try saying no on some small things. Build up your strength over time. Eventually you'll develop the boundaries that make your life better and that honor God.
Article from About.com Guide