By Kay Campbell | kcampbell@al.com
on May 09, 2013 at 10:48 AM, updated May 10, 2013 at 7:01 AM
Article from http://www.al.com/living/index.ssf/2013/05/self-esteem_lifepoints.html
How much humility is too much? Counselor and minister Mark Beaird offers a Bible-based assessment of healthy and holy humility. (Kay Campbell / KCampbell@al.com)
HUNTSVILLE, Alabama -- Most people of faith view the personality trait of humility as one of the supreme goals of living as a believer.
Mark Beaird, a Huntsville-based pastor for many years who now is a licensed counselor, warns that too much of a good thing, even humility, is not the goal.
The goal? A balanced, honest self-awareness that leads to more respect, both of self and of others.
Here's how he puts it--
The Need for Self-Esteem
By Mark Beaird
MB@alabamaCounselingandConsulting.com
While many have seen the need and sought for greater self-esteem, too many were surprised to find their pursuit not well received by others -- and sometimes with a faith-based condemnation. For some reason, some have the idea that building one’s self-esteem will lead to that person becoming egotistical or arrogant or having an “inflated ego.”
But low self-esteem should not be confused with humility. It is not the same. Low self-esteem is the devaluing of ourselves in our eyes and often leads to accepting mistreatment by others. Low self-esteem is often helps create emotional upset, relational difficulties, poor decision-making, negativity and hopelessness. Low self-esteem decreases our self-respect and self-worth.
Humility, on the other hand, is about being unassuming or modest. Good self-esteem has a good balance to it. It is based on an accurate estimation of one’s worth as a person—a worth that everyone possesses.
This idea of balance is an idea even promoted in the Bible. Paul writes, “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.” (Romans 12:3, NIV).
There is no caution given against thinking well of one’s self as long as it is a balanced and accurate estimation. This is something we must find for ourselves because others sometimes devalue us or overvalue us. Depending on others to determine one’s worth or set one’s level of self-esteem will only result in an emotional roller-coaster ride.
People who frown on others for wanting to build self-esteem might be people who don’t understand what it is that is being accomplished. In other cases they might be those who want to control us or who want us to believe their mistreatment is what we deserve.
The fact is that good self-esteem leads to one being more secure, having better relationships, being more forgiving, having a positive outlook and having more empathy for others.
"Good self-esteem leads to being more secure, better relationships, being more forgiving, having a positive outlook and more empathy for others"
A study I read recently showed that people with healthy self-esteem even exercise better judgment in their behavior. It’s true! People who see themselves in a positive light are more prone to make decisions that will reflect well on them, while people with low self-esteem are often more careless or fatalistic about their choices. The fact that a decision might reflect badly on the person with low self-esteem doesn’t mean as much if that person already sees themselves in a bad light.
Aren’t sure if your self-esteem is too high or too low? A competent professional counselor can be consulted, or one can learn more about the self-esteem by reading articles posted on good websites like: www.MayoClinic.com or www.PsychCentral.com.
Just remember, there is certainly nothing wrong with improving one’s outlook on one’s self or on one’s life—it’s all about achieving balance. Don’t be worried about ending up with an inflated ego. In my experience, there will always be someone around who is willing to let the air out of your ego if it gets too big. Let your focus be on keeping it properly inflated.
Mark Beaird is a licensed professional counselor (LPC) with the faith-based Alabama Counseling and Consulting Center, 600 Whitesport Drive in Huntsville. Also a freelance writer, he's been a minister and pastor for more than 25 years. Email:MB@AlabamaCounselingandConsulting.com
"LifePoints" and Clergy Column feature inspiration and instruction from faith and thought leaders and writers. To submit a column for this feature from Huntsville-area writers, send to KCampbell@al.com.
on May 09, 2013 at 10:48 AM, updated May 10, 2013 at 7:01 AM
Article from http://www.al.com/living/index.ssf/2013/05/self-esteem_lifepoints.html