From Kids Health
You can't touch it, but it affects how
you feel. You can't see it, but it's there when you look at yourself in the
mirror. You can't hear it, but it's there every time you talk about yourself.
What is this important but mysterious thing? It's your self-esteem!
What
Is Self-Esteem?
To understand self-esteem, it helps to
break the term into two words. Let's take a look at the word esteem
(say: ess-teem) first. Esteem is a fancy word for thinking that someone
or something is important or valuing that person or thing. For example, if you
really admire your friend's dad because he volunteers at the fire department,
it means you hold him in high esteem. And the special trophy for the most
valuable player on a team is often called an esteemed trophy. This means the
trophy stands for an important accomplishment.
And self means, well, yourself! So
put the two words together and it's easier to see what self-esteem is. It's how
much you value yourself and how important you think you are. It's how you see
yourself and how you feel about your achievements.
Self-esteem isn't bragging about how
great you are. It's more like quietly knowing that you're worth a lot
(priceless, in fact!). It's not about thinking you're perfect — because nobody
is — but knowing that you're worthy of being loved and accepted.
Why
Self-Esteem Is Important
Self-esteem isn't like a cool pair of
sneakers that you'd love to have but don't have to have. A kid needs to have
self-esteem. Good self-esteem is important because it helps you to hold your
head high and feel proud of yourself and what you can do. It gives you the
courage to try new things and the power to believe in yourself. It lets you
respect yourself, even when you make mistakes. And when you respect yourself,
adults and other kids usually respect you, too.
Having good self-esteem is also the
ticket to making good choices about your mind and body. If you think you're
important, you'll be less likely to follow the crowd if your friends are doing
something dumb or dangerous. If you have good self-esteem, you know that you're
smart enough to make your own decisions. You value your safety, your feelings,
your health — your whole self! Good self-esteem helps you know that every part
of you is worth caring for and protecting.
How
Kids Get Self-Esteem
Babies don't see themselves in a good or
bad way. They don't think "I'm great!" when they let out a big burp or worry "Oh,
no, this diaper makes my legs look weird!" Instead, people around a baby
help him or her develop self-esteem. How? By encouraging the baby when he or
she learns to crawl, walk, or talk. They often say, "Good job. Good for
you!" When people take good care of a baby, that also helps him or her
feel lovable and valuable.
As kids get older, they can have a bigger
role in developing their self-esteem. Achievements — like getting a good grade
on a test or making the All-Star soccer team — are things kids can be proud of.
So are having a good sense of humor or being a good friend.
A kid's family and other people in his or
her life — like coaches, teammates, and classmates — also can boost his or her
self-esteem. They can help a kid figure out how to do things or notice his or
her good qualities. They can believe in the kid and encourage him or her to try
again when something doesn't go right the first time. It's all part of kids
learning to see themselves in a positive way, to feel proud of what they've
done, and to be confident that there's a lot more they can do.
A
Little on Low Self-Esteem
Maybe you know kids with low self-esteem
who don't think very highly of themselves or seem to criticize themselves too
much. Or maybe you have low self-esteem and don't always feel very good about
yourself or think you're important.
Sometimes a kid will have low self-esteem
if his mother or father doesn't encourage him enough or if there is a lot of
yelling at home. Other times, a kid's self-esteem can be hurt in the classroom.
A teacher may make a kid feel dumb or perhaps there is a bully
who says hurtful things.
For some kids, classes at school
can seem so hard that they can't keep up or get the grades they'd hoped for.
This can make them feel bad about themselves and hurt their self-esteem. Their
self-esteem will improve when a teacher, tutor, or counselor encourages them,
is patient, and helps them get back on track with learning. When they start to
do well, their self-esteem will skyrocket!
And some kids have good self-esteem but
then something happens to change that. For example:
If a kid moves
and doesn't make friends right away at the new school, he or she might start to
feel bad.
Kids whose parents divorce
also may find that this can affect self-esteem. They may feel unlovable or to
blame for the divorce.
A kid who feels too fat or too thin may start
thinking that means he or she isn't good enough.
A kid who's dealing with an illness, such as cancer,
diabetes, or asthma, might feel different and less confident than before.
Even going through the body changes of puberty
— something that everybody does — can affect a kid's self-esteem.
Boosting
Your Self-Esteem
Of course it's OK to have ups and downs
in your feelings, but having low self-esteem isn't OK. Feeling like you're not
important can make you sad and can keep you from trying new things. It can keep
you from making friends or hurt how you do at school.
Having strong self-esteem is also a very
big part of growing up. As you get older and face tough decisions — especially
under peer pressure — the more self-esteem you have, the better. It's important
to know you're worth a lot.
If you think you might have low
self-esteem, try talking to an adult you trust about it. He or she may be able
to help you come up with some good ideas for building your self-esteem.
In the meantime, here are a few things
that you can try to increase your self-esteem:
Make a list of the stuff you're good at. It can be anything
from drawing or singing to playing a sport or telling a good joke. If you're
having trouble with your list, ask your mom or dad to help you with it. Then
add a few things to the list that you'd like to be good at. Your mom or dad can
help you plan a way to work on those skills or talents.
Give yourself three compliments every
day.
Don't just say, "I'm so great." Be specific about something good
about yourself, like, "I was a good friend to Jill today" or "I
did better on that test than I thought I would." While you're at it,
before you go to bed every night, list three things in your day that really
made you happy.
Remember that your body is your own, no
matter what shape, size, or color it is. If you are worried about your weight or
size, you can check with your doctor to make sure that things are OK. Remind
yourself of things about your body that are cool, like, "My legs are
strong and I can skate really well."
Remember that there are things about
yourself you can't change. You should accept and love these things — such
as skin color and shoe size — because they are part of you.
When you hear negative comments in your head,
tell yourself to stop. When you do this, you take the power away from the voice inside that
discourages you.
By focusing on the good things you do and
all your great qualities, you learn to love and accept yourself — the main
ingredients for strong self-esteem! Even if you've got room for improvement
(and who doesn't?), realizing that you're valuable and important helps your
self-esteem to shine.